Ice and Stone
by Sombereyes
Summary: They weren't the warmest people in the world, lacking eloquence in the best of times. That shared bond made all of the difference. It kept them close, when everything, and everyone, seemed so far away. -Transgender Akira- -Only meant as a one shot- -Natsuki/Akira pairing-


A/N: Youmacon does terrible things to the mind, just so you know. This is one of those terrible one shot ideas…but it was fun to write, and that's what counts… I actually really like this pairing idea in retrospect, and I may do a bit more with the concept of this pairing later down the line…

Anyway, it may be a little unconventional, but, I like turning convention on its head…sooo, without further delay, I beg that you don't skewer me with pitchforks…

**Ice and Stone**

Life had an interesting way of tossing a wrench in things, and sometimes, even if Natsuki hated to admit that, it was for the better. Often times, as she had come to learn early in her adult life, unexpected outcomes were even enjoyable. Maybe it wasn't the beaten path that everyone had planned on, but, she had learned long ago to throw assumption out the window.

Coming to conclusions never helped anyway...

She wasn't about to begrudge anything, even if she sometimes wondered what she could have done differently…if she could have lived differently...if somehow, magically, she could have been a better person in her youth. Still, all of the thinking in the world wouldn't change the woman she was today. Natsuki knew, only her actions could shape the woman she would be tomorrow.

It was best not to dwell on the past, even when it weaved so deeply into her day to day life, and forthcoming future.

There was something unusually calming about the sounds of a pencil scratching upon paper, something that Natsuki Kuga never could put a finger on. It soothed her in some way, or, maybe it was because the warm body next to her was also soothing in his unwillingness to pry into her mind. She could have toiled away all night, and he would never probe into the lurking shadows of her darkness. He merely accepted them, and, she was thankful for that.

That's why she pushed away her thoughts, scattered as they were, and merely listened to him put pencil to paper, shading in what looked to be a woman in one corner of the paper. Whatever the reason might have been, she wasn't entirely sure. All she knew, was that she enjoyed it.

She never thought her life would end up the way it had, with a person who now identified as a man. The thought was one she never dug around for too deeply, but as her fingertip trailed along the scar on his chest, she could remember when small but firm breasts had become far too noticeable for Akira's liking. Natsuki even remembered the recovery…and the struggle it had been.

It was the same for his voice, which had always had a deep husk to it, even when he was once a woman. The whole thing was a journey in and of itself, and, as former HiME, they both knew a little something about self-discovery and hard earned answers. If Natsuki were honest, it was those truths that ultimately led them to love each other.

"Yeah babe?" He asked, flicking his gaze to Natsuki's finger for a moment before returning to his rough sketches.

"Mai's going to kill us if we're late to Takumi's wedding tomorrow." Natsuki told her lover, reaching over to turn on her phone's alarm clock. "Maybe you should put the storyboard down for the night."

"Deadlines." Akira said, the simple word oozing with frustration.

"Bullshit…it bothers the hell out of you." Natsuki said, rolling back over to regard her boyfriend with a knowing sternness in her emerald eyes. "There's no way it doesn't."

"You're right, it does." Akira admitted, but his work continued. "I just know that the past is that past, and Takumi's a good friend."

"Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt." Natsuki shrugged. She knew that pain all too well.

"Nothing too deep." Akira said. "Isn't that what we always agreed on?"

"But that's the thing. It always gets deep." Natsuki said, lifting herself from her laying position. "It seems like we don't know how not to be…it must be in our blood…fate, or something." Natsuki shrugged, her long midnight hair falling down around her nude form. "God only knows, I guess…if there even is a God."

"Well at least you've begun to question that." Akira laughed. "Nao must be converting you."

"I'm not going to be a bible thumper any time soon." Natsuki groused, but was thankful for the playful jibe she could snap at. "Anyway, it's eating at you, isn't it? Knowing he'll be married off, and there's not anything you can do about it."

"Maybe I'm not completely okay, but I'm not exactly in the mood to talk." Akira said as he put down his sketch book. "You seem like you're more bothered than I am."

"I just know it's not easy." Natsuki said, a distance in her voice, one she got often when it came to talking about her past. She never had been good at it. "When the people you really care about find someone else, it's hard to support them sometimes…even though you know from experience that you can't do any better, it doesn't make it easier to rationalize it that way."

"Shizuru's been invited, hasn't she?" Akira asked, having a bad feeling about the answer.

"Yeah, and she isn't coming alone. There's that other girl, some chick she met in university…I've never met her, but they've been dating a while." Natsuki shrugged, trying to bush aside the twinge of unsteadiness she felt at that. "Maybe I am more bothered about the wedding than you are."

"Hey, clean slate, remember?" Akira told her, putting his hand on her shoulder. "It's for the best."

"How in the hell can you be so calm about it?" Natsuki asked him.

"I knew that as much as I liked Takumi, it just wasn't going to work…not when I decided that I wanted to be a guy, and knew that was going to be my life, with or without Takumi as my boyfriend." He put his arms around Natsuki, pulling her to him. "You and Shizuru need to think the same way. You tried, and did the best you both could. It didn't work out. That doesn't mean you guys don't care about each other…and that history will always be there, making you guys stronger friends. I don't think you can keep kicking yourselves over it."

"I guess." Natsuki muttered. "I know Shizuru wants to think the same way."

"Natsuki, after the hell we've all been through, with the HiME battle, my transition, and the whole slew of the madness called life, she's your most important person." Akira said dryly. "You're still hers too, and I know that because exes don't ask if it's okay before they start dating again."

"Well, I asked her before we went public." Natsuki retuned. "I didn't want to hurt her any more than the breakup did…"

"It hurt you too." Akira recalled. "Would you have started dating me if she had a problem with it?" Akira asked.

"Oh god no." Natsuki shook her head. "Never…"

"Takumi wouldn't even start dating other people in high school until after I told him it was okay…and that I was going to start dating others too." Akira told Natsuki. "I knew this day would come for him eventually…he's a great guy."

The meaning of Akira's words were a comfort, even if Natsuki wouldn't admit it. "How do you even stand me when I'm so paranoid over dumb stuff like this?" Natsuki asked with a small smirk. "You'd think I'd know better by now."

"You don't ask for a lot." Akira told her. "And I don't need a lot...but more than that, we just work."

"Are you going to hold me all night?" Natsuki muttered.

"Do you want me to?" The simple question wasn't covered in pretense, or some sort of hidden hope. It wasn't laced with more meaning, nor a sense of longing. Natsuki knew she wouldn't offend Akira one way or the other. Wouldn't hurt him by choosing to want to be left alone…even if she were to get up and move to the sofa in the middle of the night, such a choice wasn't something that would cause undue pain. It wouldn't inflict guilt lit by the embers of past misdeeds. It wouldn't lead uncomfortable questions to surface, or leave an uneasiness left unsaid.

It was a simple question, requiring a simple answer.

"Yeah…"Natsuki said softly, a blush on her cheeks. "For some reason, it's just…it seems like it's really cold tonight."

It was a summer night at that, so the shiver he felt skitter down Natsuki's spine had little to do with the temperature. Yet even so, Akira dragged up the sheet around them anyway. "It is." Agreeing was the best thing to do, and most of all, it's what he wanted to do. Reaching over and turning off his bed side lamp, he held the woman in his arms, her head resting upon his chest. "Natsuki…think about it, okay?"

"About the new car? We talked about that last week." Natsuki answered eyes closed. "I told you, I'm not driving a van around."

"Marrying me." Akira corrected quietly.

"I already do, all the time." Natsuki said quietly, snuggling further into Akira. "Nothing fancy, and I'm not wearing a dress."

"Small gathering, sign papers and put Mai in charge of the after party." Akira said quietly. "Sound good?"

Natsuki just let out a tiny laugh and nodded. "Okay." She could feel his fingers gently weaving through her hair, and sighed a bit when his thumb brushed the shell of her ear. "If you keep that up, it's going to make us late."

"It doesn't matter if we miss the first alarm." It made him smirk, thinking of Natsuki having to put up with a very annoyed Mai on her little brother's important day. "I don't think Takumi would mind."

"Mai would…" The truth was, neither of them really cared about that, but it was a good pretense. A way for Natsuki to hide and push away the shyness she felt. She had never become completely comfortable in the arms of another, and doubted she ever would. Still, it was the undeniable draw to another, the need to be needed…to be desired, and yet, just as easily freed from such stipulation. "You don't really want to marry me, do you?"

"You're here right now, aren't you?" Akira asked, to which Natsuki nodded. "Then, there's your answer."

Natsuki took a breath, closing her eyes and listened to Akira's heartbeat. Steady, a soft drum that mingled so well with the arms around her, and the rise and fall of his chest, their breath like the waves of an ocean. They weren't the warmest people in the world, lacking eloquence in the best of times. That shared bond made all of the difference and kept them close when everything else seemed so far away.

Akira wasn't passionate, and Natsuki wasn't exactly a romantic…that's why, as she drifted off to sleep, safe in his arms she didn't think about weddings, or even about love. She merely thought about Akira's warmth, Shizuru's blessing and newfound happiness, and the inevitable karaoke nights that happened every Friday night. Life didn't go as she had planned, but it seemed to be turning out just fine.

And that's all Natsuki ever really wanted in the first place.


End file.
